Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Declaration of intent

Sick and tired of Google's constant bragging?
Its self-proclaimed omniscience, its unavoidable ubiquitousness?

Clever google.

Or has Google got too big for its boots?

Deflate Google's ego and twat it! Make him feel stupid for a change like he has done to all of us who have found ourselves sat in front of his search bar, struggling for something to search for and then, as time passes, feeling more and more hopelessly inadequate and stupid at all the information he can theoretically offer us, annoying us because we can't even think of one measly thing.

The rules are the same as "Google Whacked" except the aim is to get a result with 0 items found instead of a limp and unimpressive 1. 2 words have to be entered in the search bar, without " ", and both must be valid entries in search should yield a result of 0.

Take a screen shot of any successes and E-mail them to:

Please, I implore you, show me your twats!
Or are you too scared or too stupid?
I incite you to play.

(Check out my other blog at: Swedophilia
& 13twelve

Inspired, possiby invented, by my firm, yet supple-bellied comrade, 13twelve. Instead of merely finding a google whack for himself he wanted to be the creator of one and have not an accidental whakc on his site, but a contrived and intended one. His plan involved finding 2 words in google that produced 0 results allowing him to list those on his blog so as to create a whack. He enlisted my help and I swiftly delivered the goods. See my first twat down at the bottom of this blog. I created and named this version of the game.

Each subsequent twat will be listed here so as to create a page of unique whacks.

Twat #5

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Floccipaucinihilipilification xenophobe - Tuheen Quda

How many times does your brain freeze, your tongue twist & tire as you aspire to digest this mammoth twat? Google has really been painfully ripped open & exposed here.

This big, fat twat pleases me for 2 reasons:

i) The first word stands at an impressive 29 letters & used to be regarded as the longest word in the English language, meaning "Judging something to be worthless." My pleasure is derived from the fact that I have arbitrarily decided that the inventor of this word, whose name shall be Ginja Nurseno, was angered by the pretentious intellectuals who frequented his local ale shack. They believed that the purest form of inteligence and status was achieved by the use of long & complex words. He showed them up as twats by inventing this pointless and worthless word which could be given to something of equal value, zero. The inellectuals in question then had the choice of crowning him their king or giving up their twattish ways. Either that or find somewhere else to get pissed.

ii) This is the first twat that makes a perfect whole. The 2 words read together one after another could be connected to form part of a genuine sentence. Anyone who discriminates against another nation or fears them because they are "far away" & "mysterious" is to me, completely worthless.

I believe that this twat *may* have been aided & abetted by wikipedia or some sort of word trivia page which lead to this twatters discovery of the 'F' word. This is perfectly legal and is well within the legal framework of this contest. However, do be aware that at the annual convention where twatters will gather - 'Twat inFESTation'- there is always an extremist fringe element waiting to sniff out and expose any sour smelling twats whom they believe may have had outside assistance. In the twatters world this act of looking up "Big" words in dictionaries or using resources outside your current brain capacity is known as "Extra fingers in the pie."

Tuheen Quda:

Monday, February 27, 2006

Twat # 4

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Nearshores Codswallop - David Lloyd

This is an unostentatious and deceptively simple twat. I compare it to the literary work of the Japanese writer, Banana Yoshimoto.

I love the fact that on first sight the words seem so uncomplex, producing the effect that it is even harder to believe that this is the genuine article.

Underneath this simple twat lies a complex and artful creator who probably knows all the twat's most erogenous zones. He knows how to press key areas as well as stroke and poke

The use of an old-fashioned slang word was sheer quality.

David Lloyd:

Twat # 3

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Exophilic Bassoon - Jon Mitchell

"Did you mean:"

No, Google, No.
Cease your prophetic superciliousness. So confident of your success are you, so full of your own power that you're bigger than the question mark? That or you are infallibLE?

Jon Mitchell meant every single letter, completing what he set out to do: He waited until you were giving a press conference to the worlds' media in your best bib and tucker, then he sharply pulled down your pants, revealing that you wrap your cock in tinsel and stick a fairy on the end even in the middle of February. Everybody then recoils at your digsusting beard. It's worse than Mr. Twit's bear. His grew from his face and yours comes from your arse, except the hair is so long, dangling below your knee, that it's more like a pony tail and its covered in hard, solid, shit balls. English people are so horrified that they had to invent a word for this lazy phenomenon instantly. A commission was set up dedicated to finding a word, costing only £2,000,000. When discovered, they searched the word in google and you coughed up nothing, causing further embarrassment

Jon Mitchell made you look like a right red faced TWAT.

The use of a musical instrument as the second word makes this a very sophisticated, windy twat in need of wood.

Jon Mitchell:

Friday, February 24, 2006

Twat #2: The first outside twat

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Twat #1: My devirginised Twat

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